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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 152 (some duplicates have been removed)
comedy central ealz world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. nice show for you tonight. our guest tonight the man who helped oversee the nation's bank bailout and lived to tell the tale of it. neil barofsky will be joining us on the program. we have a program note. last night we went all in on president obama, his administration and the secrecy regarding the seemingly ambiguous and power loaded u.s. drone program. you may have seen that at 11:00 on the way to checking out top champions. it's a show on the food network but it's december appointing because you are expecting champions and -- [laughter] at least show the documents to congress we pled to the president. show them to congress so that the two of you can abuse american power together as the founders intended. before we release that nugget into the -- what is it called -- a tv. [ laughter ] this little piece of news came out. >> president obama has directed the justice de
" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight author helaine olen. she's going to talk about her book "pound foolish" about the financial industry and how it's serving you perfectly. [laughter] let's begin with the president. as you may know barack obama is a student of history. he learned two things in particular from the greatest president in history abraham lincoln. one when putting together a cabinet you need assemble a team of rivals and two, you cannot kill a vampire with an axe. you need a built-in shotgun in that mother humper. lincoln the vampire. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] didn't take off like we thought it would. [ laughter ] but to the first point when it came time to choose a secretary of defense barack obama demonstrated lincoln-esque team rivalling by choosing former nebraska senator chuck haaag -- hagge -- hagel. [ laughter ] he is a republican. a two term senator, vietnam vet. he was a simple process away from achieving that relatively only mino
comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, oh, my god! hey, everybody, welcome to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. my name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head i've ever had. [ laughter ] we've got a nice one. the actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show "community." p my guess is she'll in no way tell us what is going on there but i'm excited. let's begin tonight with america. as if you didn't know the reference. i put that up there to let you know. remember that map from the placemat at howard johnsons. [ laughter ] as you know, our country has been on a difficult run. gas prices have risen steadily over the last few months. our president is unsure whether he has the authority to target americans on our mainlandslandsh missiles. and geraldo is thinking of running for senate. it's been a tough run. we decided to do a segment aimed at boasting our morale called we may be (bleep) but -- let me explain to
central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. man, do we have a show for you tonight. my guest tonight new york city police commissioner ray kelly is going to join us. and after the show, directly after the show, he and i are going to go on the roof of this building and we're going to summon batman. only the police commissioner knows how to do. that you shine a light and then -- [laughter] as you know, kind of a funny thing happened in this year's presidential election amidst the worst economy in decades, high unemployment and a steep spiritual decline, the country chose not a self made and virtuous patriot to heal our woes -- [laughter] -- but the same foreign-born socialist tyrant who created all of our woes. [ laughter ] how did republicans lose this eminently winnable presidential race? the republican party has a serious messaging problem. >> i think our messaging has not been very str
>> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. man, what a program our guest documentary filmmakers lori silverbush and kristi jacobson. they've done a documentary on hunger in america that will absolutely anger you but still while you are watching it have some junior mints or something. just to -- you know. you may be familiar with the new york assemblyman, he took the new york telephone company to task for seeming to weed out employees and took hillary clinton to task for embracing yasser arafat's wife. and yasser arafat took mel gibson to task and also took renee zellweger to task. took the school newspaper at at high school to task. really, really haitz anti-semitism. some of those seem like an overreyak but he feels like he is standing up for a group whenever he feels they are unfairly ma lined. >> assemblyman dove dressed up for a party dressed up in blackface makeup, an afro wig and an orange jersey. [ laughter ] >> jon: what? >> not that it really matters but that is poorly done blackface. he doesn't look like a basketball player but a jew that went on a cruise wi
from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. my guest i think you'll enjoy george stephanapolous will be joining us. mr. stephanapolous will be out here in a little bit. we'll talk to him very briefly because he's got to be up in like two hours. big news from vatican city tonight. >> pope benedict xvi announcing he is stepping down as leader of the catholic church. >> jon: popes can do that? i assumed the papacy was like a lifetime commitment like being in the mob or being a correspondent on "60 minutes." in any case we'll bring you full team coverage of the pope's resignation in "holy quit." how is it going with that popey changey thing? now, the pope has issued a statement citing the growing toll of his advanced age leaving him ill suited for his ministry. but popes usually don't retire until they are called back to the home office. this hasn't happened in 600 years. the obvious question would be... >> what does a retired pope do? 's a retired
york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is donnie wahlberg going to be joining us later on the program on the... lonnie anderson. that's the woman i would be. ( applause ) if you can be any animal, if you can be any woman but nobody ever asked me are you satisfied with you? (laughing) a little bit of housekeeping. last week we did a very clever bit on our program called 19th century news. within the bit we had very witty fun concerning mississippi's just recently ratifying the 13th amendment. agreeing to end slavery, a mere 148 years after. after the rest of us. as many of you know, if i am bringing up something that we did on the show last week, i'm probably about to apologize for it. maybe i'm apologizing to mississippi as painting it to some kind of reluctant entrant to modern morality. yes, no. it concerns a former mississippi secretary of state who presided over a 1995 attempt to ratify the 13th amendment. it failed due to a bureaucratic snafu >> their former secreta
show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. good show tonight. tonight's guest ed whitacre he's on as former chairman and c.e.o. of gm and former chairman of board and executive officer at at&t. i'm going to spend the entire interview trying to figure out why i can't get cell service on the west side highway. you know every now and then a report comes out that we killed al qaeda's number three guy from the fifth time from above a missiled robot plane or we missed him and mistakenly hit a factory that makes civilians? [laughter] well, you might wonder: is that okay? >> nbc news has obtained a government document that lays out the legal arguement to justify the president's use of drones to kill al qaeda suspects including, in some cases, u.s. citizens. >> jon: u.s. what now? u.s. who? i never thought some of the terrorists could be people on america's got talent. you have to be american to be on america's got talent, don't you otherwise it's cuba's got talent. i bet it's specific about when t
's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. boy do we have one for you tonight. we're here live from the great city of tampa. no that was -- [cheers and applause] good memories. just good memories. we have a great one for you tonight. our guest fawzia koofi, an incredible woman, running to be president of afghanistan. you heard me right, woman, afghanistan, presidency. very excited to be speaking to hemple incredible story. we're going to turn to one of our favorite nights of year. hot off the presses one day old expanded coverage of last night's state of the union address. president barack obama hits the floor for some reason with republican congressman eric cantor in tow in no way making this seem like a charismatic star performer walking the red carpet with his agent. baby doll we gotta move. mario lopez has a satellite window we have to him. [laughter] [cheers and applause] i'm sore i'm -- sorry. just sweat age bit. i'm just going to
and applause]>> from cod news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. got a good one tonight. we got our guest tonight r.j. cutler made a documentary about dick cheney and -- [laughter] [laughter] -- did you guys just get really cold? [laughter] first let's talk about the top story tonight, the fragile economy. economic growth is stagnated. unmyment is stub bornly high and by midnight tomorrow the spending cuts, sequester, congress and the president subjected themselves to to force them to make a deal before the sequester took effect because the effects would be so drastic and dire that it's taking effect. listen, this is bad news my brothers. you can imagine what the mood on wall street is. >> hope and optimism here on wall street. >> merger mania is back. >> the highest bubble since 2005. >> merger mania is back with a vengeance. >> jon: ah-ha! whoo! what else would it be back with? humility? no (bleep) vengeance. the merger mania. who are the lucky
with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. former chancellor of washington d.c. public school system michelle rhee is going to be joining us here. stay in school. don't drop out and get high and come to a taping of the show. and ask the host, what's is your script, man? what's on there? ( cheers and applause ) is it the letter g? we have fun here. listen. let's begin tonight with last night. a sporting event know encapsulates the entire tee of what it means to be an american. an event know begins with an emotional salute to the victims of gun violence quickly gives way with a promotional salute to the glorifying of said gun violence. >> bang-bang time. jon: yes, it is. bang-bang time. didn't realize it had taken such a dark turn. we cheered as men committed brutal violence one another and then complained bitterly at the sight of two people kissing. and a multimillion dollar sound and light show was immediately followed by yet another sign that our basic infrastructure is on the verge
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 152 (some duplicates have been removed)

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